What a Drag?
by Aibhne
Summary: Classic story but with a twist. Shikamaru is a lazy high school junior that thinks relationships are too much work, but when his sleep is threatened he agrees to take the school shrew, Neji, out…only everything isn't as it appears between the two.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Here's chapter one redo. Almost nothing has changed. A few phrases here and there, and some grammer corrections, but nothing notable or important to the story. Anyway if you're re-reading thank you. If you're a new reader, then read and review. I like CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.**

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".**

**Chapter One**

"Are you gay?"

"Are you?"

"What the hell type of question is that!"

Shikamaru Nara sighed his signature heavy, haven't slept in months sigh. The seventeen year old boy looked at his female companion. He couldn't understand her. _ Why are women so obnoxious?_ _Whatever, I'm going back to sleep._

Smack!

_Or not._

"Why the hell did you ask me if I'm gay!" The blond girl's face grew redder by the moment, demanding his answer post haste. He didn't like getting hit.

"Temari, you asked first, so what's the issue?"

Temari Sabaku breathed her own sigh. She liked Shikamaru, really she did, but at times, she barely contained the urge to wring his neck.

"OK number one, you know I'm not a lez. I just don't appreciate hormonal, drooling boys grabbing my ass. Number two, you haven't answered my question. Number three, I'm justified in asking because I've never once seen you show interest in a girl, or even a woman."

"Phtt you woke me up for that. Relationships are bothersome. Happy. I'm going back to sleep."

"God you're annoying, and don't bother. Class is starting in five."

Yeah, like Shikamaru Nara, the laziest of the lazy, was going to let a silly class keep him from sleep. Right now he was sitting in his 7:25 AM history class, the first period of the eight hour high school day...did he mention it was 7:25 AM? Why the on earth the school system thought teenagers learned at 7:25 AM was a mystery to him. _Whatever. Nap time._

"Sabaku smack Nara and wake him up. I want to start."

Smack.

_Bitch._

The black-haired teen lifted his head into his hand. Apparently sleep was not an option. He would have glared at the smiling bitch of a blond friend if it didn't take energy. Instead, he tuned into his surroundings.

Not a single change was apparent in the room since last Friday. Brightly colored posters of famous leaders and special days in history that he could care less about littered the walls. Because dwelling on how much he hated history was entirely pointless (he couldn't get out of the class), Shikamaru dwelt on how much he hated those posters (also pointless, but less depressing); their only purpose was to give the room some personality, because nobody actually read them. Fail: it's physically impossible to give a high school classroom character. Small, overly crowded rooms with bland, chipped paint have no aesthetic potential, and meaningless pictures only intensify the dreariness.

Shikamaru switched his focus to his classmates before his face fell apart in a sick impersonation of the walls. Thirty or so students occupied the room. _Definitely no change. _ Jocks, pot heads, Goths, nerds, etc. were crammed together in a group of people never meant to mix. In fact, he didn't remember a single one of their names, even though they'd been in the same class for four months.

He hated school.

"Nara! I asked you a question. Nara! When I'm talking I expect you to pay attention. Now answer me!"

Why did teachers waste their breath? They know he never listened and could care less if they lectured him. Hell, they could send him to the principle for all he cared. Still, Mr. Oshiro, a fat, old man with a mouth too big for his rampant stupidity, refused to give up.

"Don't know. Didn't hear the question."

"Of course not. Detention. Can anyone else enlighten us with an answer?"

God, Shikamaru hated Mondays. As predicted, some brown-noser raised her hand and gave a text book answer she had no doubt spent all weekend memorizing in the off chance this particular subject came up. He put his head back on his desk. Oshiro could yell till he was blue in the face for all he cared. Finally the bell rang, dismissing them. _How exciting, just six more classes…man what a drag._

"Are you going to answer my question," Temari asked.

"What're you talking about?" _How many questions do these people have!_

"Are you gay?"

Shutting his eyes and praying for Temari to disappear was obviously ineffective, so he figured he might as well humor her. _Troublesome_. "I already told you. Relationships are too much work."

"I heard that, but that doesn't tell me if you're gay. What I want to know is are you attracted to males? You know, the _Homo sapiens_ with dicks."

"Unnecessary. I don't plan on getting into a relationship, so I don't think about it."

"You don't know! You're insane! Fine you don't want a relationship, but a hand only lasts for so long. Wait, I bet you don't even jack off! 'Too troublesome' right?"

"What is with you? Are you trying to proposition me? Tired of your hand already?"

Temari blushed scarlet and stormed off, muttering about assholes and wishful thinking. Shikamaru smirked. _I should've thought of that sooner_. Temari was a great friend, reliable to a fault, but when she decided she wanted to know something, she was damn persistent. _Whatever. Time for 2nd period…math? Yeah math._

Shikamaru would have enjoyed math if it wasn't at 8:15 AM. He liked the simple logic of numbers; they were quieter than people too. He initially cursed his uncharacteristic enthusiasm for the subject, because it landed him in the advanced class, but then he met Kakashi Hatake. The genius mathematician was like him: lazy as hell. Kakashi rarely did anything; usually he handed them a worksheet or assigned them a page in their textbook, and let them have at it. Even better though, was the chronic tardiness. Sometimes class was half over before he showed. The more sleep the better- not that Kakashi cared if he slept. He assumed his pose at his desk and drifted off.

He didn't wake until the next bell. Blinking bleary eyes, he saw his fellow classmates picking up their things. Kakashi was at his desk, feet perched comfortably on the hard wood, and reading what appeared to be a porn book.

"Have a nice nap Nara?"

To his left, Sasuke Uchiha impatiently waited. The two weren't slumber party close, but they were still friends. Both were exceedingly smart and rather distant; they understood each other, err go Sasuke not bothering to wake him. And of course, Sasuke was preparing for next class.

See, Sasuke was a quiet guy, always calm and composed… unless Naruto Uzamaki was around. Naruto and Shikamaru were on good terms- actually he liked Naruto's enthusiasm at lower volumes- but Sasuke and Naruto were complete opposites, right down to their looks. Naruto was a sunny, go-lucky kinda guy, while Sasuke was more of the dark, brooding type. It was surprising how often they ran into each other considering Naruto was a senior and Sasuke a junior. Well, almost surprising. If Temari wanted to take interest in someone's sexuality, she should start with those two. Numerous times Shikamaru found himself escorting one or the other, or both, to the infirmary after one of their sexually charged brawls. Anyway, Sasuke, normally the ever so diligent student, had been using their advanced math class to mentally steady himself for his third period debate class, in which he was enclosed into a small space with none other than Naruto Uzamaki. Shikamaru preferred to mind his own business, but seriously, which FUCKING moron approved that class roster: everyone in the entire school knew about them.

"Kakashi assigned page 274, problems 12-47 for homework, in case you're interested," said Sasuke, as they strolled down the hall.

"Thanks. Not that it matters. He never checks."

"Yes, but some of us need practice to stay on tract. Not everyone is a…" Sasuke suddenly trailed off. Only one thing caused that reaction. _Mother Fucker. It's way too early for this_.

"Shikamaru! Hey did you finish the Biology homework?" Yep, there was Naruto in the flesh, all smiles and sunshine.

"Idiot can't you see Nara and I are talking. Find someone else to cheat off," grated out Sasuke. Salivating teenagers were already gathering in the narrow school corridor, swarming to a prospective fight like bees swarm to honey. _How pathetic._

"Bastard!" Naruto's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "What the hell's your problem? I was just asking a fucking question. No need to get your panties in a twist." Sasuke snarled viciously. Yeah who ever put those two in a debate class together was fucked in the head.

Shikamaru wisely double back, escaping before he could be further dragged into the escalating conflict. He'd rather take the long way to his next class. _It's going to be a long day._


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Yeah chapter two redo up on the same day as chapter one. This is pretty much the same as before also. No major changes, but I think things run a bit more smoothly. For new readers, remember to read and review!**

**Chapter 2**

By the end of fourth period Shikamaru's dower Monday had gone from bad to hellish. As if to punctuate the point, his companion to the lunch room let out a particularly loud squeal. Sakura Haruno had insisted on accompanying him from their class, and was now chatting away about inane girl stuff. It was far from an ideal arrangement, but he had been unable to fabricate a valid excuse to get away from her. Temari was devilish, but Sakura was downright dangerous. She had a mean right hook that could send any miserable soul who provoked her through the nearest wall. No guy dared piss the lovely pink-haired girl off. Excluding her doting boyfriend of course.

Rock Lee, the living power plant, had managed to weather Sakura's violent tendencies for the past two years. Even Shikamaru recognized them as the perfect couple, for no other reason than it takes an entirely unique man to take punches like those and still call his assailant 'my precious flower'. She must have knocked his brain loose. Then again, he was the only one keeping her from killing someone. All in all they were the picture of perfection. _Too damn perfect._

"Lee and I are going out Thursday night. God knows what he's planned. I've never seen him so secretive. Such a hopeless romantic, but his ideas can be…yeah." Sakura half giggled, half cringed thinking of her lover's past exploits. This was a prime example supporting Shikamaru's staunch refusal of any kind of relationship. Too much thought was involved, and romantic evenings sounded like a pain in the ass.

"Oh my God! Sasuke your face!" gasped Sakura, suddenly. Sure enough, Sasuke stalked toward them, sporting a huge bruise on his cheek. Mother hen that she was, Sakura rushed to check the severity, thankfully ending her nauseating contemplations of Thursday night.

Shikamaru had witnessed the earlier fight building between Naruto and Sasuke, so Sasuke's present state came as no surprise to him. Fortunately, self preservation halted his comments concerning Naruto's battle prowess. Sakura was close to both boys, and despite their constant skirmishes, she had yet to piece together exactly what the cause of the hideous bruise was. Sasuke, who was even more keenly aware of her disapproval towards his actions, quickly and wisely spouted the "I ran into a door" excuse.

She finally released them from her presence when she spotted her best friend, Ino, in the lunchroom and rushed to join her at a table. Those girls were a sight. Sakura's pink hair and almond-shaped, green eyes and Ino's long, blond hair, even longer legs, and baby blues made them a teenage boy's wet dream come true. Personally, Shikamaru thought they were just loud as hell.

The Nara spied a blessedly girl free table and quickly snatched it. Sasuke, rubbing his sore cheek, sat next to him. Preferring to let the black-haired boy sulk in peace, Shikamaru rested his head on the table. Lunch was just another opportunity for a nap. Chair legs scraping signaled the arrival of more people, and something poked him in the ear. The bright logo of a potato chip bag assaulted his vision. His own best friend, Choji, was offering him food, knowing he wouldn't stand in the lunch line. Frankly, if he asked, Choji would give him the shirt off his back, because that was the rotund- NOT FAT- boy's nature.

"Fuck man! What happened to your face?" woofed Kiba, dog-lover extraordinaire; he barked as loud as his dog, looked just as wild, and shared the same IQ. _Why ask him that? You know what happened, and it only pisses Princess Uchiha off._

"He started stuff with Naruto," said Choji, around a mouthful of potato chips.

"Looks like you lost, because I saw Naruto during fourth and he didn't have a scratch on him," laughed Kiba. "You guys should just f- mphht."

Shikamaru cut him off with a quick 'hand over the mouth' move. He wasn't in the mood to deal with the inevitable outraged screeches Sasuke would emit for suggesting he sleep with Naruto.

"Can we please move past the face," he grumbled, releasing Kiba. Sasuke glared, and Kiba pouted ever so maturely. Shikamaru sympathized: what he would give to stop dancing around those two. _S__o troublesome._

The four settled into an easy silence…

"Huh, lost another fight with Uzamaki."

Shikamaru's head hit the table hard. _Dumb blond bitch! _Temari's directness toward Shikamaru was fine (he didn't care what she said), but Sasuke's prissy ass was gonna blow a gasket in…5…4…3…2…1…Bang! A chair skid back and their ranks changed from four boys to three boys and one bimbo. Temari shrugged. "What's his problem?"

"Probably has to do with your tact," he sighed through his arms. "You have that effect on the male population." Smack! "Why do you keep hitting me woman!"

"Probably has to do with your tact," she mimicked.

"Whatever."

"Shikamaru, we should go. Kurenai's class starts in 20 minutes, and I don't want to be late," said Choji. Shikamaru gladly left.

Even at his unhurried pace, the friends arrived with time to spare. Shikamaru loved fifth period for one reason and one reason only: his seat had a great view out the window; therefore, he placed his head in a comfortable, upright position for cloud gazing. He felt his mind starting to drift away with the breeze, but Kurenai loudly announcing the beginning of class, rudely called his attention to the real world.

"Good afternoon. Today you will form groups to discuss the chapters assigned over the weekend. This worksheet needs to be completed by the end of the period. I expect to see everyone participating, and keep the noise down." _Damn, group work. I have to move now._

His paper was slipped onto his desk by a smiling Choji. Unexpectedly, his friend twisted to face the seat behind him. _Hinata Hyuga?_ She was a nice girl, cute too. Still, Shikamaru couldn't understand the male population's obsessive and excessive drooling over her. _She's not that pretty_. Maybe it was because she was inaccessible (he'd never seen her date). Maybe it was the damsel in distress vibe. Hinata was painfully shy and stuttered constantly out of nervousness. He found it annoying, but not enough to dislike her. Finally, Shikamaru realized Choji was asking Hinata to work with them, which she seemed eternally grateful for_. I'd be happy too if I had all those mongrels looking at me._

In spite of her timidity, Hinata was smart. Her intellect combined with Shikamaru's genius had the three finished in just twenty five minutes. _Plenty of time for a cat nap_. Choji on the other hand, true to his friendly character, started some small talk.

"How was your weekend Hinata? Do anything fun?"

"No," she answered quietly. "I stayed home and studied. My father is very serious about grades."

"Oh. This weekend you should get a date or something. I mean, any male student would gladly take you out."

"Wha-what! N-n-no!" There came the stuttering; however, Shikamaru was extremely interested. Choji just asked about dating! Choji never pried into people's personal lives! Suggested a restaurant to go to was typical, but this was flat out strange.

"You haven't found anybody you want to go out with?"

"Th-that's not it. My father is very s-strict. I'm n-not allowed to d-date."

"Wow that's harsh, but someone must have caught your eye by now."

Hinata looked like a tomato. She spluttered for a moment, searching for a proper response. Choji hit the nail on the head. Hinata liked someone. Shikamaru decided to take pity on her.

"Meh, she has the right idea. Dating is such a pain," he drawled. The girl smiled in thanks. He really just didn't want to hear the stammering anymore. An awkward silence passed.

"U-um so Shikamaru why aren't you in a higher level class?" asked Hinata. Shikamaru lifted a brow. Everyone knew he was dreadfully lazy.

"Too much effort." Even thinking of the work load made him sleepy.

"I wish my cousin would be more like you. He's a genius too, but very high strung. My sister and I try to get him to relax, but..." she trailed off.

"Your cousin is Neji right?" Choji cut in. Good thing, because Shikamaru didn't know she had a sister, let alone a cousin.

"Yes," Hinata smiled rather fondly. "He's a year older, and takes such hard classes. He gets really stressed." Shikamaru had never seen the guy before.

Yet another bell rang, and for once, he was eager to get up; the BBQ lover had some explaining to do. Hinata went in the opposite direction for her sixth period class than Choji and he- both had Asuma next. Once she was out of hearing range, he rounded on Choji.

"You like Hinata? When did that start?"

"No, she's not my type, but Kiba's head over heels. He asked me to find out if she's interested in anyone."

"He should ask himself."

"Not everyone is so straight forward. He'll be upset that she's totally off limits."

"Whatever."

"Shikamaru! Choji! Wait up!" _Crap, Ino. Ugh, so loud. _

"Jesus woman. Can't you keep it down?"

"Ooo somebody missed a nap," she snapped. The two were headed straight for an argument.

"Hey, hey. Quit it you two," soothed Choji. Choji hated seeing Ino mad. He figured the worse Ino's mood around him, the worse his chances of impressing her were. That's why Shikamaru had been so shocked about Choji having a crush on Hinata. He always figured Choji would eventually win Ino over.

"Fine," both teens conceded. _Great, now Ino's gonna talk my ear off about more dumb girl stuff. Why am I even friends with girls?_

As predicted, the second the girl was situated in Asuma's room she proceeded to regale Shikamaru all the details he'd missed about Sakura's upcoming date night.

"I would never date Lee, but I must say Sakura made a good choice for herself. It's adorable how he keeps his plans secret. I bet he takes her out to a five star restaurant and completely whisks her off her feet! Oh, what if he proposes!"

"What is wrong with you? Sakura punch you in the head too?"

"Shikamaru! What's that supposed to mean?"

"So troublesome. They've been going out for two years. It's safe to say Sakura has been whisked as thoroughly as Lee's been whipped. Why spend money when you already have something? Also, have you forgotten we're in HIGH SCHOOL? Marriage is ridiculous."

"You're impossible! No wonder you're single. Everyone wants romance, and that doesn't change after a few years. Geeze, I can see you as an old man sitting on a porch by himself," huffed Ino. Apparently his realism wasn't appreciated in the girl's rose-tinted point of view.

"At least it'd be quiet."

"Seriously! You never think about a relationship? There must be some appeal in having another person to constantly be there for you?"

"Not really. Actually sounds rather irritating." _Am I missing some memo? Everyone's on some sort of love trip today._

"Ugh! I don't even want to talk to you anymore."

She whipped around dramatically to properly demonstrate her displeasure, almost smacking Shikamaru in the face with her long hair. Choji chuckled helplessly and let her be. Soon, class began. Shikamaru was counting the minutes until school was over, and he was free from these psychos.

_Troublesome women._


	3. Chapter 3

**All righty! I'm a bit late updating, but not by much. I have to say, I loved writing this chapter. Before you read, I would like to note that I stupidly forgot to put a disclaimer in the previous chapters. Please count the one contained below for chapters 1, 2, and 3.**

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".**

Chapter 3

Neji Hyuga was difficult, or perhaps, unpredictable was a better word. Either way, his quiet tendencies made him appear harmless. Some didn't value the contradictory rumors heavily. Generally, it wasn't long before those doubters crossed him, and experienced firsthand the fiery outbursts he was reputed for. The infamous temper of the straight-laced, straight-A Hyuga was, in fact, the source of disturbance in an otherwise calm high school classroom. His morning had started unpleasantly; therefore, when the loud-mouth in front of him interrupted his literature class with the pathetic penis joke- the one where someone starts quietly coughing the word penis under his breath, but steadily gets louder- to see the teacher's reaction, he saw red. _This is an advanced course!_ Neji didn't know the guys name, but he didn't need to.

"For the love of God! We know the word. It's NOT funny! Now, kindly shut up, so we can continue!" Several eyes looked at him like he'd jumped ship.

Still processing being yelled by another student, the offender foolishly turned to say, "Why don't you chill? It was a-". As soon as the retort began, it just as soon ended. The boy closed his mouth in fear. Neji Hyuga was scary. _I've been here since the beginning of the semester. Who'd he think was behind him? Moron!_

"Let's settle down everyone," shushed the teacher. _Incompetent, no-brained buffoon._ "Hyuga, the outburst is unnecessary. Please don't speak out of turn again." Neji's jaw dropped. The imbecile blames him! It was only mildly comforting to see the woman visibly nervous about reprimanding him (she was wringing her hands). The pea-brain smirked at him. Neji mentally noted his face.

The remainder of class droned on without incident. Neji looked forward to the relaxation and venting time next period, lunch, provided. Naruto was sitting with him today, and the blond always calmed him. Their friendship's mechanisms mirrored a certain aspect of Sakura's and Lee's relationship: someone triggered his rage, and Naruto, when able, intervened. The boy's unique gift made him Neji's best friend.

The bell finally released Neji, who hurried straight to his locker. _Textbooks must be torture tools. There is no other explanation for their weight._ Naruto was already waiting. Neji instantly noticed the strained smile. Silence reigned while the white-eyed teen replaced his morning textbooks and grabbed the afternoon ones.

"You know it's not actually a requirement to bring the book for every class, right? The teachers tell you when you need them," said Naruto.

"Stop evading. I know something is wrong."

"Always straight forward, Nej. No foreplay for you."

"My name is Neji, as you are well aware. I would appreciate it if you pronounced it correctly."

"Somebody had a bad class."

"Yes I did. How does a moron gain entrance into advanced literature? The word penis is not funny!"

"Yeah it is. Let me guess, the penis cough," laughed Naruto, shaking off Neji's glare. "It's a joke. Lighten up!"

"I'm glad you're amused. I certainly wasn't when that useless, mouse of a teacher scolded me. If she controlled her class, I wouldn't have gotten involved."

"You need to leave things be, or you're gonna get jumped one day."

"Let someone try," Neji huffed proudly. "Weren't we discussing your problems?"

Naruto bristled angrily. "What problem? Everything's peachy."

"Lying is not your forte. I'm going to guess you fought with Uchiha again."

"He started it! I was just asking Shikamaru about biology homework, and he started the 'idiot' shit. I'm fucking innocent!"

"Stop shouting. I'm right here. I doubt you are as innocent as you claim; however, you used self control, judging by your lack of bruises."

"Actually, I decked him in the face," said Naruto rather sheepishly, "His insults ticked me off, and Shikamaru got away while the bastard was distracting me. I needed those answers!"

"You and Uchiha need to find a different method for releasing sexual tension." Naruto began sputtering indignantly, but Neji ignored him. _If he laughs at my misfortune, then I will push his buttons. _"And might I remind you, homework is meant to be done before the day it's due. Lastly, who is Shikamaru?"

"What? You've never met Shikamaru Nara?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?"

"Uh, yeah. Cause you definitely don't ask random things." Naruto scratched his head in a nervous gesture. "Um have you ever seen a guy with long, black hair tied up in a ponytail; kinda looks like a pine tree, or a pineapple? Oh, he always looks asleep, and I mean really asleep. Not like the kids who walk around in a daze, but legit 'I'm going to pass out'. He's taller, but it's hard to tell because he slouches. Actually, I'm surprised he's not in any of your classes. He's a genius! On second thought, he's lazy like Kakashi. He stays at the regular level, so he doesn't have to work hard." Neji rubbed his temple; the winded description was giving him a headache. _And I still don't know who the guy is._

"Enough. I've never seen him, fortunately. He sounds like a waste of time. Not doing work? Ridiculous."

"Not everyone is obsessed with grades."

"True, but even Inuzuka tries, when he's not staring at Hinata."

"Hey leave Kiba alone. He's a good friend, and you should be glad at least one decent guy is watching Hinata."

"Weren't we discussing your Uchiha infatuation?"

"Are you trying to make me puke? I am not in love with Sasuke!"

"Interesting. I didn't say love, and when did you two get on a first name basis?"

"Hyuga quit it, or you're finding a new lunch buddy."

"Fine."

Naruto moped until they reached the lunchroom. Packs of ramen were consistently available, and where there was ramen, there was a happy, loud blond. He walked off, listing his favorite flavors, and naming possibilities for today's meal. Neji brought nutritious food from home, there by designating him the seat finder. It was not an easy job. _Ugh, why can't they clean these tables more often?_ Typical students, carrying bright trays full of chips and pizza and whatever the system called that greenish delicacy, surrounded him, and carelessly scattered their belongings about. Neji refused to present himself in such a messy way; he kept his appearance impeccable, and his personal space would be no different.

Thankfully ramen only took three minutes, because people were starting to stare. _What am I? The plague?_ A grinning Naruto returned, skillfully balancing four cups of instant ramen. "I should eat with you more often! How'd you snag these seats?" The flying spit from Naruto's full mouth was highly distasteful.

"We walk on two legs, not four. Stop eating like pig." Naruto swallowed quickly.

"Better? What topic did you do for Pervert's essay?" Neji dislike the title, but Jiraiya Sannin earned his nickname; the man wrote porn for Christ's sake.

"I'm contrasting the mannerisms of several ancient societies that caused major warfare, and analyzing how those past influences are still prevalent in modern day conflict." Noodles fell from Naruto's open mouth. _What? It's a history essay. The whole point of history is to learn from it, and apply those lessons to the present._

"Do you ever take it easy? Last I checked, we only had to compare two civilization's cultures. The future stuff is just extra. Maybe you should get a boyfriend or something."

"That's absurd. I don't have time for relationships. Senior year assures our place in university."

"Maybe just get laid."

"Uzamaki!"

"What! I bet your uncle would let you date, unlike Hinata. You're a guy, and it's up to you to produce little Hyuga babies. Man, your uncle would not be happy if he found out you're gay!"

"What makes you think I'm gay?" _How does he know? I've only told Hinata. _

"You screamed at me because I suggested fun, not because I suggested a boyfriend. Plus I'm your best friend. You don't need to say anything. I just know." _When did Naruto get so perceptive? I can't be that obvious._

"Does everyone know," Neji asked, looking around anxiously.

Naruto smiled sympathetically: the Hyuga wanted to know if his demeanor cried homosexual. Neji was a private guy, and loathed when people meddled in his affairs. More importantly, if his family were to notice, the consequences would be severe. "Sorry, but your long hair makes people suspect."

"I'm not cutting my hair." _Damn it!_

"At this point, it wouldn't do anything," Naruto chuckled. It was hilarious to picture Neji with a buzz cut. "Hey we better go. You don't want to be late. Oh, and Neji, I won't tell anyone the truth." The white-eyed boy allowed a small, grateful smile to grace his lips.

* * *

Neji arrived home close to five in the evening, almost two hours after school ended. He had needed to use a website the school subscribed to for the last bit of history research; unfortunately, gaining access required his physical presence in the library. After his biggest secret was revealed to be not quite so secret, he had almost put the visit off; he just wanted to retreat to the solitude of his room.

He entered the foyer, and took off his shoes (his uncle would murder him if dirt showed up) before continuing further into the house. House was a misnomer, because the Hyuga dwelling was more a mansion than anything else. Some dreamed all their lives about owning such a home. Neji found it an inconvenience. The size lengthened searches for single family members, so in cases like now, where he wanted to quickly locate his uncle, a mansion was frustrating. For the first time today, though, luck was on his side. Hinata, Hanabi, and his Uncle, Hiashi, were easily found in the study. Of course, he should've known better; a rare family gathering in the study equaled a lecture.

His uncle swung his chair around to face the entrance at the exact moment Neji stepped into view. _How does he do that? He wasn't even looking this way!_ "Good, you're here. You ought to be part of this," the older man said, pleased at his arrival time.

"Yes Uncle."

"As I was saying, the Hyuga family is a prestigious family. We have world class doctors, history changing lawyers, famous musicians, and many more noteworthy relatives. All dominate their chosen field." _I'm aware of the family legacy. We've heard this speech many times. Why is he spouting it now? _"The three of you are the next generation. You have various expectations to meet, and I intend to observe each of you until you succeed."

"I-I know Father, b-but if you could," Hinata mumbled. Hiashi promptly cut her off. She was obviously the root of the tirade.

"No! I will not allow you to date! Dating brings lapses in concentration; furthermore, such matters are approached with marriage in mind. A high school boy does not possess proper maturity levels! You mean one thing to them, and I will not allow it!" _What? I'm standing here for this! Why can't uncle and Hinata find a solution by themselves? And is he talking about sex!_ Neji was appalled.

"I think it'd be cute if big sister brought a boy home," piped in Hanabi. She was bolder than Hinata. Winning this argument established a precedent for her in the future. _Smart girl. Already thinking ahead. Too bad it's futile._

"Please F-father. He is very r-respectable." One pouting girl is bad enough, but two is downright hard. His Uncle's stress was starting to show. _His temper is getting the better of him. _Neji was unprepared for how perilous the situation was about to become for him.

"You want to date? Fine! You can date when Neji dates! Now get out all of you!" _What the FUCK just happened!_ The two teens and the preteen scampered away. When at a safe distance, the girls pounced.

"Neji you have to take someone out! Hinata has the perfect guy waiting!" Hanabi begged. Two sets of pale eyes bore into his. _How'd this get thrown to me?_

"Stop. Uncle was frustrated, and he said something irrational. Even if I went on a date, which I won't, he still wouldn't let either of you see a boy."

"You're wrong. Father gets angry all the time, but he never makes rash decisions." _Little witch has a point._

"Neji, pl-please just consider it." He glared at his older cousin. She knew his position.

"No! Listen to Uncle and focus on school. End of conversation." He stormed off to his room, not sparing a backward glance. It had been a long day. _If one more person mentions relationships…_

**Hope everyone liked it. I couldn't resist adding the whole penis thing. When I was in high school, boys thought that was the funniest thing in the world. It pissed me off, and I'm much less uptight than Neji. Also, I had to go with Sannin for Jiraiya's last name like many other authors, because I couldn't think of anything else. This is the last background/introduction chapter. Next time will be the start of the main plot. I'm half way through it, and it's turning out beautifully. Till next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N. Finally I'm posting. I thought I had this chapter nailed, but then I reread it and found a bunch of plot holes. So after going through the metaphorical meat grinder, and it's ready to go! But first, I'd like to thank everyone for reading and reviews. **_SilverWillowfly_**: I am completely with you; boys can be extremely brain-dead.** _I'm NO Angle Haha_**: I'm so glad you like Shikamaru; he's my favorite character, and tried to do him justice. Neji is the real challenge. I wasn't interested in ShikaNeji until I read 'the price of fame' by Infekcis (I used to be die-hard ShikaTema); it's an amazing fic. **_Roxxihearts_:** I hope you continue to enjoy my Naruto interpretation; there's some interesting things ahead. **

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".**

Chapter 4

Chirping birds substituted for Neji's alarm clock the next morning. They sung happily amongst the branches outside his window. He loved birds. He loved their freedom. He loved their tunes. He would love to shot them. His murderous mood had yet to dissipate. Nothing was safe from his rage.

"Quiet! I'm trying to sleep!" A restless night had him feeling drained. He tried to ignore the sounds, and relax. Then electronic beeping started. Evidently, wallowing in self-pity was not on the agenda. Soon Hiashi would check for late sleepers. Using the undesirable encounter as motivation, he extracted his tired body from bed.

Contrary to popular belief, Neji spent little time getting ready for the day. He had created a strategic routine in order to maintain maximum efficiency. His long hair was brushed and conditioned every evening, removing all tangles, and relieving the most difficult physical trait to deal with; as such, a thirty minute process consisting of rinsing off, brushing his teeth, and dressing (in a predetermined outfit) was all the time spent on looks. Breakfast was the last order of business.

Two flights of stairs later placed him in the kitchen. His current nuisance, Hinata, was also there. The younger straightened rigidly, and bowed her head. Generally the two would exchange a brief 'good morning', but honestly, he didn't want to see her, let alone greet her. He grabbed the first food item he could reach, and motioned for the girl to come. He didn't care if she was ready or not. A swift disappearance was his top priority; one family member was all he could tolerate right now. _Thank you, dear cousin, for reducing me to a dismal slob who eats on the run. _She followed him hesitantly to the garage, like prey petrified of being mauled to death.

Neji was responsible for transportation. His uncle deemed him more trustworthy than the school bus, giving him the pleasure of escorting Hinata to and from school (the only exception being when one stayed late). Despite his family's wealth, he didn't have a fancy car. Hyuga children earned those frills for themselves- usually after they had jobs. Of course, the car wasn't some fixer upper either.

Once both teens were situated, Neji drove off. The ride was quiet the entire way: noisy distractions were unwelcome. He could, however, sense the sidelong glances aimed at him. By the time he parked in the more or less empty school lot, he had resigned himself to hear her thoughts.

"Hinata go ahead," he said, setting a brisk pace toward the school.

"U-um, well, I u-um." She was already squeaking.

"I don't have much patience." _She blatantly disregarded my circumstances, and planted me in the eye of a storm. She knows I could be disowned for my sexuality. This whole scenario is a disaster waiting to happen. _

"I-I'm so sorry! I s-shouldn't have asked y-you for h-help last night," she whispered. Neji felt himself soften. She wasn't hassling him a second time.

"Thank you. I truly am sorry Uncle won't let you see someone, but there's nothing I can do. You know my… preferences."

"I-it's alright. You know I d-don't care, right Neji? I would s-support you, no matter what you choose in the future," she said compassionately.

"I know." Neji didn't want to talk about his romantic forecast; it was bleak from every angle. _Better to leave it. There are more vital things for me to concentrate on. _"He must be some guy for you to bring up the subject." Hinata's answering smile was beautiful. _I almost wish I could help her. _The black-haired girl was a kind person, and she deserved someone who'd cherish her.

"Yes. He's always polite and sweet. I admire his free spirit." _She's so smitten she forgets to be embarrassed._ Neji's curiosity was peeked, but she wasn't offering further information. In fact, she was completely wrapped up in her own mind. When Hinata finally looked at him, a blush flooded her features. _That's more like it. _"I d-don't think I-I should tell you his name."

"I definitely wouldn't tell Neji," stated a feminine voice. Tenten, a brown-eyed senior, had snuck up behind them. She and Hinata had art first thing, so the three often met up. They were paused near the girls' classroom; the Hyuga teens had been so engrossed in their conversation, neither had noticed their location.

"Tenten! I-it's nothing," sputtered Hinata. Tenten obviously thought otherwise.

"Really, the school sweet heart liking someone is nothing? I know dozens of boys who'd disagree," giggled the older girl.

"P-please don't say anything!"

"Why? I bet whoever the lucky guy is would be thrilled. I could set you up, no sweat."

"N-no, I can't. Dad w-won't let me."

"Neji could cover."

"Tenten you know better. Keep me out of it," he demanded.

"You don't want to help your favorite cousin!"

"He c-can't," placated Hinata. She was looking around furtively, not wanting to attract attention. Tenten waited for further explanation. Hinata caved. "Uncle s-said Neji has to date b-before me."

"That is a bit of a problem, but…" the brown-haired girl trailed. Neji could smell potential danger.

"Forget the list of suitors you're compiling. I refuse to participate."

"You act like I could come up with someone brave enough," snapped Tenten, frustrated. Like most girls, she loved a happily ever after. Neji glared, preparing a speech for his busybody friend, but two leering boys interrupted.

"Hinata," one greeted, his impure intentions clear as day, "Why don't you ditch your little friends, and hang out with us?" The pale-eyed female averted her gaze. Luckily for the fools, Tenten ran interference before Neji could.

"We're having a private conversation," she said, emphasizing 'private'. "Go find a bathroom stall to draw on, or something." The guy growled at her, but didn't advance. His friend took over.

"Who was talking to you, bitch!"

"Is cussing at a girl's friend your new version of a pickup line? You must be stupid to think Hinata would be interested, and in the slim chance she was, good luck finding someone to date Neji first!" The shouts effectively drew people. The gossip wheels were mobilizing.

"Are you nuts? Nobody would date that prick." Neji pushed in front of the girls to squarely face the two teens. TenTen's turn was over.

"As riveting as I find your opinion of me, for the sake of your health, I highly recommend leaving my cousin alone." The hormone bundles had been so spellbound by Hinata, they hadn't properly discerned her company; however, only the first boy was intimidated.

"Oh look, it's the asshole in the flesh. I couldn't tell you were male with all that hair," boasted the same guy. Neji's eyes narrowed; another idiot who mistook his slightly feminine looks as a sign of weakness.

"Cut it out, Keiji." _At least the one has sense._ "The chick with buns is right. We have…"

"Come on, Hyota. You're not scared, are you? All he's got is a pair of lungs."

Neji snapped. He burst forward. The boy named Keiji moved to swing, but the pale-eyed teen was already in his guard. The Hyuga grabbed the lifted right arm with his left, and gracefully spun under it. The turn relocated him behind his opponent, while simultaneously twisting the arm in abnormal angle against the boy's back. From there Neji applied a tiny, painful push to swing the boy around, face first into the lockers. The entire fluid move was done in seconds.

Multiple gasps resounded. Neji paid them no mind; he was solely interested in his struggling captive. It was a grave mistake to think people were frightened solely by his attitude. Words weren't that strong of a deterrent. His only regret was his inability to reach Sakura's reputation. The slim girl didn't have to reassert herself anymore; then again, Neji couldn't afford to be suspended for breaking some kid's bones.

"L-let go!" _Quick to fight, but even quicker to cry._

"Listen carefully," he hissed directly in the closest ear, "Hinata is far above a pair of scum like you. Don't go near her again. Now get out of my sight." Needless to say, the two fled. Neji threw Tenten a nasty look over his shoulder; he was going to kill her if people started targeting him to get to Hinata.

"Oops. Was I not supposed to mention that," queried the girl guiltily.

"Maybe we s-should move. People are staring." The three failed to notice one special pair of excited eyes peaking around a corner. Kiba Inuzuka had heard the entire exchange, and his brain was in overdrive.

* * *

Elsewhere, the day was off to a rocky start for Shikamaru. He'd practically been evicted to make sure he was on time; his mother was sick of attendance messages. Still, he felt oddly optimistic. The weather was perfect: a crisp, autumn day. _Great clouds. Man, it had to be a school day. What a drag_.

Seeing the school entrance straight ahead, Shikamaru slowed his leisurely steps even more. _Wouldn't want teachers to think I'm motivated_. Alas, the turtle like speed failed to counteract his early departure from home; even he couldn't walk slow enough to show up at a reasonable time. Not surprisingly, only a few students graced the entrance hall. The people blocking his locker were though.

"Hey man what's up? Nice clouds today," greeted Kiba. Choji stood next to him, eating what appeared to be a bagel. Potato chips aren't breakfast material.

"Yeah, real poofy," replied Shikamaru. He waited for Kiba to get to the point. _No way he showed up this early to chat with me, plus his fidgeting is a dead giveaway._ "Kiba spit it out."

"What? I figured I'd come hang with you and Choji."

"I never show up early."

"I happened to see you walk in." Shikamaru stared, unconvinced. Kiba laughed uncomfortably, knowing he was caught red handed.

"Just ask him." Kiba scowled at Choji.

"Ok, but Shikamaru promise to hear me out."

"I won't promise squat." _Good bye optimism, hello realism._

"I'll tell Temari, Ino and Sakura." Shikamaru lost face. Those batty women would hang him out to dry. His silence prompted Kiba to carry on. "Look I just want a friendly favor."

"You're too nervous for a simple favor, but I don't exactly have options." A wolfish grin claimed victory.

"Well Choji already told you I like Hinata. Hinata Hyuga I mean. Yeah, you know who I'm talking about. Sorry. Anyway she can't date till her cousin does."

"Hold up, she told Choij her father didn't allow her to date at all." What did this have to do with him?

"I heard a couple guys talking. Tenten told them, so they would leave Hinata alone. Neji Hyuga can be one scary guy, and he won't cover for her. She doesn't have a chance at sneaking around this new rule if he doesn't convince her father."_ Heard? More like he was stalking her. That recount is too detailed to be secondhand._

"You're assuming she likes someone enough to risk trouble. She's not exactly Ms. Backbone. What's this favor you want?"

"I was wondering if you could ask Neji on a date," Kiba rushed. Even with the quick delivery, Shikamaru heard loud and clear. He glanced at Choji to confirm; the thick-boned boy gave no indication of a practical joke.

"No." He started to walk away.

"Hey you didn't finish listening!"

"Going to class." He refused to hear anymore; Kiba could find someone else. The Hyuga family was notoriously troublesome, and that Neji sounded like a pain.

He sighed as he saw Mr. Oshiro's class. It was bound to be the same old routine; that fat asshole and Temari wouldn't let him sleep. No one was present yet, but unfortunately, his tranquility was ruined his own thoughts. _What was Kiba thinking? Asking me to date! What a riot._ The whole idea was irrationally insane: he would rather light himself on fire than fulfill the request.

"Is it upside-down day?"

"No." _Damn, Temari_.

"Then why are you early?"

"I woke up with this awful pep in my step, so I tried to run it off. Timeliness was a side effect."

"Cute. Now why are you pouting?"

"Another side effect."

"Seriously, what happened?" An excited undertone belied her false concern. The curvy blond lived to unearth ammunition to use against him.

"Nothing important. Mom kicked me out, and now you're bugging me. What a drag."

"Fine, play it that way, but I know there's something else, and you can bet I'll find out what." Shikamaru grumbled into his arms. He knew she was right. Most likely by lunch, she would swarm him with annoying questions about Kiba's plan.

"I can't wait. How about you leave me alone till then." Temari smirked. He took that as an agreement honoring temporary peace.

**Did everyone like? Next chapter is the exciting first meeting! I'll hopefully have it up more quickly than this one.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh my, it took a while for this chapter! I hit a small bout of writer's block, but here comes the twist in the classic story line. Hope no one's disappointed! Once again I'd like to thank all readers and reviewers. **_SilverWillowfly: _**I'm glad you enjoyed the fight scene. It wasn't originally in there, but I felt Neji needed some badass skills to back up his attitude, even if this isn't the ninja world! **_I'm No Angle Haha:_ **I'm glad you still like. When planning I wanted Neji's and Hinata's relationship to be like it is after the time skip.**

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".**

Chapter 5

"Sakura! Shikamaru! Wait up!" Shikamaru had every intention of ignoring Ino, but Sakura had different plans. The pink-haired girl caught his sleeve in her inescapable grip, so their friend could catch up. Ino stopped in front of them completely out of breath; her class was on the other side of the school, meaning she ran here. _Damn it, they know, and if these two know, everyone knows. Lunch is going to be such a pain._

"Hey. What took you so long," asked Sakura.

"Oh I bumped into Naruto. He's sitting with us today."

"Great! Shikamaru, Choji and Kiba are too."

"Wow, who said I was sitting with you?" Blue and green eyes glared at him, making the hairs on his neck stand up. _Alright, looks like I can't get out of this._ The possibility of him out running the girls was slim, and he wasn't keen on what they'd do when they caught him. _One thing left to do…lie._

"Sasuke's meeting me there, so Naruto shouldn't come." Sasuke was actually out for the day (he'd called Shikamaru earlier, asking him to pay attention in math long enough to get the homework assignment), but if he couldn't avoid this feeding frenzy, then he could at least minimize the number of sharks present.

"Shikamaru! Don't you lie to me! I know Sasuke's not here!" _Of course, Naruto probably yelled about how great third was without Sasuke when she saw him. On second thought, damn woman probably knew before then with all her gossiping._

"Fine, chill, but seriously I can't- OW!" Sakura grabbed his ear, and brutally pulled him in the direction she wanted. "Don't you have a boyfriend to abuse!"

"Did you forget who you're talking to Nara?" The green-eyed monster raised one fist. Ino cowered back a bit, but still held an annoyingly satisfied grin. Everything was good, as long as her friend's rage wasn't at her.

"Ah, you misheard me. I asked where your terrific boyfriend was, because I had this question about where he's taking you on Thursday."

"Stop while you're ahead. What is it with you geniuses and excuses? I heard three from Kakashi already."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt, but we need to get going," said Ino. Sakura nodded, and continued her grueling pace toward lunch- Shikamaru's ear still firmly in hand.

The cafeteria was loud as usual, but Kiba's calls were still heard. Shikamaru noticed the abnormally large group, while he was manhandled into a seat. On his one side sat Temari. Ino took the other side. Kiba and Choji were across from him, and Sakura moved to sit next to Lee on Ino's other side.

"My beautiful flower how was your morning! Mine would have been much better if I had seen your lovely face earlier!" Everyone, except Sakura, cringed at the volume.

"Jeez Lee, she's right here," growled Kiba.

"Shut it dog-boy! It's adorable," cooed Ino, simultaneously throwing the wild teen a nasty look. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. _What am I doing here?_

"Where's Naruto?" Choji, once again, played the diplomat.

"Getting ramen. I wish he would eat something else. It's so unhealthy," sighed Sakura.

"Can we just get down to business," said Temari. She had an evil glint in her turquoise eyes, and it was directed straight at Shikamaru. "I don't want Nara to escape."

"Why don't I solve this," he started. "No way in hell. I already told Kiba to find someone else."

"Come on! Why not," yelled aforementioned teen. "You're the only one who can do it!"

"Did Akamaru eat your brain?"

"I'm being serious! You're perfect for this!"

"Yes Shikamaru! Never doubt your abilities! You are in the spring time of youth!" Shikamaru looked at the Lee incredulously. He had the impression that the bowl-haired boy was utterly clueless.

"You tell him Lee," cried another loud voice; Naruto had just shown up. "What does Shikamaru doubt, by the way?" The whole group stared at the blond male- minus Lee, who had begun another cheering session.

"Idiot, don't encourage them," grumbled Shikamaru. Naruto looked on questioningly. "These lunatics are trying to convince me to date Neji Hyuga."

"What!" _At least somebody's as shocked as me._ Both Lee and Naruto were open mouthed. Naturally, the silence only lasted a moment.

"Shikamaru! That is wonderful! You and my eternal rival will make a great pair!" shouted Lee, joyful tears flowing from his eyes. Naruto remained quiet, bordering on nervous. _He knows something the others don't._

"Uh why are you guys trying to hook them up exactly?"

"The mutt's in love with the Hyuga girl," said Temari. "The new word is she can't date till Mr. Uptight does."

"Here's a great question: is the Hyuga even gay?" Shikamaru was sick of this topic. All his 'friends' were deliberately overlooking his opinions.

"Haven't you seen Neji?" asked Kiba. The answering look was all the dog-boy needed for an answer. "The guy practically looks like a girl. I'd eat my foot if he's not!" A hard smack was delivered to the back of the brown-haired teen's head. Somehow Sakura had managed to reach around Naruto, and hit Kiba before anyone noticed her moving. "OW! What was that for?"

"I happen to be friends with Neji, and joking about this isn't funny. He deserves someone good for him," growled Sakura.

"Come on forehead, you know it's true. His hair is prettier than mine," griped Ino. The long haired blond didn't want any interference: she was going to prove to the lazy boy that relationships are important.

"Shut it pig! You know damn well nobody in this school knows for sure if Neji likes boys or girls!"

"Hold it. You're trying to set me up with a possibly straight guy? Not to mention the fact that I'm not gay."

"Not what you told me yesterday. 'Relationships are too troublesome, so I don't think about my sexuality'. Just see this as a chance to explore," Temari quipped. _She couldn't refrain from bring that up, could she._

"Um I hate to cut in, but I don't think this is a good idea," said Naruto. "Neji isn't interested in dating. He's going to get pissed off." Shikamaru studied his only ally. _Something's off._ Naruto and Kiba were two sides of the same coin. The blond teen would help the dog-lover with anything.

"Naruto! You know I've liked Hinata for years. This is my only shot! You have to help!" Naruto looked extremely uncomfortable.

"That's right! How could I forget? Naruto, Neji is closest to you! He must have said something," exclaimed Sakura. The outnumbered blond was beginning to pale. Shikamaru decided to move on.

"Such a pain. Forget the sexuality. Why am I the chosen one? Did I inherit some sort of special ring, or do I have a scar nobody can see?"

"I don't know anyone else who's gay- sorry, might be gay- to help me out," Kiba grumbled. "Also, out of everyone in the school, you're the only one smart enough. He'd never date someone dumber than him."

"You idiot. That's the worst reasoning ever." Shikamaru was now scowling. He should be sleeping, not listening to bullshit.

"Why don't I end this," Temari smirked. Her entire demeanor spelled trouble. "Nara, if you don't ask pretty boy out, then I will make sure you are awake the entire school year."

"What!" _She can't be serious!_

"You're brilliant Temari!" Ino excitedly jumped from her seat.

"That makes no sense! Even if the Hyuga said yes, there is no guarantee Hinata will choose Kiba," snapped Shikamaru, no longer worried about the amount of energy he was expending.

"Only one thing left to save love! Shikamaru and Kiba must woo Neji and Hinata at the same time! I, Rock Lee, will gladly aid you both in winning the hearts of your beloveds!" The entire group stopped to stare at Lee's sudden outburst. Slowly an evil smile took over Temari's face.

"Great idea Lee. Shikamaru, you have to date Neji for at least four months. That gives Inuzuka plenty of time to win the blushing beauty."

"Are you insane woman?"

"You heard me. Do it, or I will personally make sure someone is there to smack the living daylights out of you every time you so much as blink." _Malicious bitch!_

"I know you guys mean well, except for Temari who's doing this for her own pleasure, but I'm Neji's best friend. I'm telling you, this is a terrible idea," said Naruto.

"Forget it Uzamaki. They've made up their minds," growled Shikamaru, getting up from the table. He grabbed the blond boy's arm, and dragged him out of the lunchroom.

"Shikamaru, what are you doing? I wasn't done eating my ramen!"

"Take it up with those pains in the ass. You said you're Neji's best friend. Tell me about him."

"You're not actually going to go through with this! I want Kiba and Hinata together too, but their plan is going to end badly!"

"Again, talk to those nutcases. And I'm not going along with anything." Shikamaru was worn out. "All I want from you is information."

"You're not getting squat from me. Neji's preferences are his own."

"I know he's gay." Naruto's face showed confusion. "I might not know him, but your reaction during the argument was a giveaway. You were nervous about participating, when normally you would jump to help Kiba. Even if you're best friends with Neji, you would still have made suggestions about a good match, unless something kept you from it. I bet the Hyuga told you, but swore you to secrecy, most likely because he doesn't want to confirm people's suspicions. You never go back on a promise, so you naturally got uncomfortable about breaking his trust by naming people to pair him with, because all of them would be male."

"You're a freak."

"Che, simple observation. I want to confirm why he's secretive. From what I know, the Hyuga family is very traditional. They wouldn't readily accept homosexuality, which is why he is scared of people knowing, right?"

Naruto threw his hands up in defeat. "Shit! Why do you have to be such a smart bastard? Let's go to Iruka's room. I don't want anyone to hear more than they might have already." Shikamaru nodded an affirmative. The two boys weren't far away from the teacher's class, and there was plenty of free time left. When they got there, Naruto knocked on the door, but no answer. The older teen shrugged his shoulders, and opened the door anyway. "He won't mind, but we should keep our voices down."

"Not a problem for me."

"Very funny. Alright here's the deal, you were right about Neji and his family. They're extremely strict, and if they find out about him, he could be thrown out!"

Shikamaru took a moment to process the situation. W_hat a drag._ "Why doesn't he just take out some girl for show?"

"I can't believe you two have never met. You know all the same people, but somehow you both missed each other!"

"Trust me, I would rather not meet him, then be involved in Kiba's love issue. Just tell me about him."

"Fine. Neji plays by the rules. He doesn't like lying or sneaking, so faking a relationship isn't his style. The guy would rather be left alone with a stack of books. He's almost as antisocial as Uchiha! Happy!"

"Thanks for those details Naruto," said Shikamaru sarcastically.

"Look, he's my friend, and he likes his business to stay private. I'm not helping you anymore."

"One more thing."

"No! You can't actually plan on doing this!"

"I already told you I'm not settled. All I need is good information to make a decision. That includes a description." Naruto just stared. "I don't know what he looks like remember?" Realization dawned on the blond.

"Not telling you."

"Ok, but I have to call Sasuke to give him math homework. It would be terrible…"

"Pale eyes like Hinata, and long waist length brown hair. About three or four inches shorter than you." _That was easy._ Shikamaru opened the door. "You better not say anything Shikamaru," Naruto cried at his back. _Yeah it'd be a shame if you both knew._

Shikamaru wandered the nearly deserted halls. Finally he made his way to the roof for thinking space. _Screw bad attendance. Mom would have yelled at me for some other reason anyhow._

He arranged himself in a comfortable position, and watched the clouds drift along calmly in the breeze. _Man, why do women have to be so annoying. Kiba at least has a direct reason for trying. Temari's and Ino's objective is to prove me wrong about stupid dating. Typical women; always have to be right. Just thinking about this is a pain. I want to sleep._

Even using his entire brain, he couldn't think of a way out. The only option left was to do what Temari wants; she could easily carry out her threat, and he didn't want to spend the entire school year awake. He cursed every one of his friends to hell and back. _Looks like I'm gonna be dating a Hyuga. First, I have to get him to agree though._ Slowly, as the white masses passed overhead, Shikamaru developed a plan of his own, and he smirked deviously. _That should work._

The alarm for the end of fifth went off just as the lazy junior was cleaning up the finer points. There were ten minutes between classes, so he had to move fast. It was time to hunt down a Hyuga.

* * *

By sixth period, Neji was ready to do real damage. People were staring and pointing, some discretely and some openly, at him from every direction; most were male. He had a pretty good idea why. Tenten's declaration and his fight had become the new topic of the day. Every person in the school knew Hinata was open territory once he was occupied.

So far nobody had approached the white-eyed male, but he doubted it would be long. By tomorrow people would swarm him. _No matter. I can handle whoever gets in my way. These mongrels are mistaken if they think I'll easily be set up, and leave Hinata for them to fight over._ Neji sneered at another group of boys; hopefully the bad attitude would buy him extra time. Out of the blue, a presence fell into step with him.

"Neji Hyuga?" Neji turned to examine the male talking to him. The guy looked like he was going to drop where he stood. He had sharp features- offset by a bored look- and a ponytail resembling a pineapple stem. _Why does he seem familiar? I know I've never met him._

"Correct, but it's customary to introduce yourself when speaking to someone you don't know."

"Geez you're stuck up." Neji's eyes opened as wide as saucers; the boy was exceedingly rude. "Anyway, Shikamaru Nara." That drawl was already starting to work Neji's nerves. _He better not be here for Hinata. I don't know if I'm controlled enough for that right now._

"Well Nara, I can't say it's a pleasure. Any last insults before you walk away?"

"Che. Relax, I came to tell you something." Silence…

"You are wasting my time," groused Neji, who had slowed his steps to allow the guy to keep up. _This guy is insane! But his name sounds familiar too._

"Oh, I thought royalty had to give permission for the servant to recite his message." Shikamaru thought it was funny watching the prissy guy fume. Sasuke he usually left alone, but strangely, he couldn't resist the temptation to mess with the male Hyuga. _Oops, play time's over._ Neji's face was an eerie mix of calm and ire; the younger teen wasn't sure if he was going to be hit or lectured. "What a drag. Look, some of my friends are trying to hook you up so one of them can date Hinata. They heard the dating restriction."

Neji blinked. _Why is this wack job warning me?_ "Thank you for the advice. It must take a lot for a sloth to deliver news." The Hyuga male conveniently ignored his immature name-calling, something he constantly scolded Naruto for. Suddenly the light switch flicked on in Neji's head. _He's the boy Naruto was talking about. He matches the description perfectly._

"Troublesome. For whatever reason, I've been selected to pursue you. They won't let me rest if I don't."

"Do you have any reservations?"

"This is special. I don't like getting hit, and I like my sleep."

"Enough!" Neji went to speed up, deciding the lazy, brown-eyed teen was most definitely a waste of time, but a hand on his shoulder held him still.

"Look, I have no interest what so ever in relationships. I'm here to propose a partnership."

"For what, and why?" Neji was slightly interested. If this was going where he thought it was going, then Shikamaru Nara deserved more credit.

Shikamaru studied his companion momentarily, gauging his reaction. After a moment he found, despite the question, Neji knew what he was getting at. "Like I said, I want nothing to do with significant others or my friend's plan, but I was threatened with pain and sleep deprivation. From what I've heard, you also could care less about high school love crazes. So I propose we pretend to follow along with this match making. We're both aiming for peace. I want sleep and you want to concentrate on…whatever. Trust me it's in your best interest. You're going to be chased by people worse than me in about a day's time."

"Someone's full of himself." _He's good. It might be worth my time to hear him out._

"Whatever."

"You are such a… never mind. I'm intrigued by your idea, but not convinced. Find me at the end of the school day, so I can hear more." With that Neji walked away. Shikamaru watched the swift, confident, strides. It was painfully obvious the older Hyuga had enormous pride.

"What a drag," he mumbled, but he couldn't help smirking. Too much arrogance would be an issue; however, Neji had a sharp mind, and between the two of them they might be able to turn this troublesome situation in their favor.

**So there's the twist! Shikamaru is such a clever boy! All the inconsistencies with Neji being interested and able to work with Shikamaru will be cleared up in the next chapter. As always I love to hear feedback. Till next time!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N. I just realized how long its been since I've updated! To keep this short, I'd really quickly like to give a general thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. Now onto chapter six!**

**Disclaimer: I do not in any way, shape, or form own Naruto. Nor do I take credit for the play "Taming the Shrew" or the movie "Ten Things I Hate about You".**

Chapter 6

Shikamaru's offer gnawed loudly at Neji's thoughts, despite his furious attempts to bury it. Lying and sneaking were not activities he partook in. Ever. His uncle had done a lot for him, and repaying him with disloyalty would be detestable; not to mention Hiashi had an uncanny ability to read people.

_I shouldn't have agreed to hear him out. Too late now. It's rude to go back on fixed arrangements. Perhaps he won't show_. Neji, in a moment of foresight, had purposefully avoided setting a specific meeting place, expecting the Nara to find him if he wanted to talk badly enough. He wouldn't wait around after hours too long though, so Shikamaru had better find him quickly after last period ended. If he didn't, then the Hyuga's afternoon was free.

Luckily, the lazy junior was nowhere in sight of Neji's final classroom when the mass of students converged into the hall. Hope blossomed inside him, and as minutes passed, he became more and more self-assured. _He probably fell asleep somewhere, and forgot all about me. _His internal smile was demolished seconds later, however, when he spotted an unmistakable, slouched figure by his locker. Approaching cautiously to avoid drawing his strange guest's attention, Neji looked over the taller youth. Shikamaru was indeed asleep, just not where he had anticipated. _He sleeps standing up!_

Students walked by, looking at Neji, but ignoring the awkwardly hunched boy. _Apparently they're use to seeing him nap in any available space._ The white-eyed teen decided to leave; the boy obviously wasn't desperate for a discussion. _Better to act like he's not here, and that our conversation never happened._ But for a second time, Shikamaru's hand grabbed him as he made to escape.

"I didn't take the time to find you just for you to slip away."

"Pardon me. I wasn't sure you were waiting for me. I thought you were lost and needed a break from walking before you moved again." Neji was embarrassed to be caught ditching someone. _How does such a lazy person move so fast anyway?_

"Che. Too much attitude. Let's go." Shikamaru pulled a vigorously resistant Hyuga after him, not seeming to care about Neji's indiscretion.

"I'm perfectly capable of following without you tugging on me like a child. In fact, I suggest you keep your hands to yourself from now on," snapped the Hyuga, effectively breaking Shikamaru's hold. _Thankfully no one was around to see that spectacle. I would never hear the end of it otherwise._ "Where exactly are we going?"

"To your favorite place."

"And you know where that is how?"

"I'm taking a guess." The two continued further- silently- until Shikamaru stopped in front of the library.

"Aren't you hilarious. I'm impressed you know where this is," said Neji in a voice oozing disdain.

"Shh. This is a library," whispered Shikamaru mockingly, while signaling the other to stay quiet. "You can yap at me when we get somewhere more private." The older crossed his arms defiantly. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. _Everything's going to be a fight with him. Damn Hyuga._

Finally the two reached the back corner of the large room. Several tables were scattered around for studying; fortunately they were all empty. Shikamaru resisted a tempting outside view in favor of a more secluded seat, in case more people showed up. _I'm not going to be able to cloud watch. Man what a drag._

"Are you satisfied?" Neji was at wits ends already, and he'd only been in the brown-eyed teen's company a few minutes. "Now, explain what we're doing."

"Relax your Lordliness," drawled the lazy teen, "I thought this would be a good place, because we won't draw any unwelcome attention. People are used to seeing you here."

"Somehow I doubt you're here often."

"I'm not the one being watched right now, plus I don't have a commanding presence. Either way, we should be fine."

"Don't be so smug," Neji scowled. The younger teen's bored assurance really, really annoyed him. H_e doesn't even muster energy to show proper personality. All he does is sit there like some dull blob. Blob? Great now I sound like a five year old!_

As if he could read his mind, Shikamaru sat up straight, adopting an aggravated posture. "I'm not any happier about this than you. Like I told Naruto earlier, take your anger out on the responsible parties."

Neji rocked back on his heels. _Naruto! He promised he would stay quiet._

Again, Shikamaru read his thoughts. "The knuckle head didn't rat you out. He's just easy to read if people pay attention, which most don't. Actually, you should thank him. He was the only one on our side."

"I want to know everyone who's involved. And most importantly, I want to know what you're proposing in detail."

Shikamaru's sharp eyes analyzed Neji's opaque orbs; he needed to re-evaluate the older Hyuga. When scheming, he had used Hinata's behavior- on a tougher scale of course- as a general outline, but Neji was in a whole other league. The best reference point would have been Sasuke. _No, not even Sasuke is this challenging._ At last, he gave a wicked grin. "I'd be delighted." _Hope he gives those bitches hell!_ "Temari and Ino are the primary masterminds."

"I suppose Sakura isn't far behind. She usually works with Yamanaka." Neji was surprised he knew the people mixed up in this problem. He knew he could deal with Ino, but he didn't know Temari well. _If she's even a speck as nerve-wracking as Gaara, then he has a very good reason to listen to her._

"She at least was concerned about you. Ino's being spiteful, and paying me back, because I rejected her lovely-dovey opinions."

"Women never like to be told off by men when it comes to romance, but tattling on them as a form of revenge is rather cowardly." _Sadly I understand his way of thinking, not that I'd tell him. There's more than one reason I don't date women. They're terrifyingly irrational when they're angry._ "Which one is interested in my cousin?"

"Kiba."

Neji's brows furrowed. He's never expected Naruto's friend to make a move. "Naruto speaks well of him, but I haven't seen anything to inspire confidence. I'm not sure I want Inuzuka pursuing Hinata."

Shikamaru sighed. "Do you have to be a pain about everything?" G_et off your high horse, and this will be a thousand times easier._

"Excuse me? I have a right to be concerned about my cousin's well being!"

"Kiba might not live up to your Hyuga standards, but he is a hell of a lot better than the other assholes trying to mount her on a daily basis." _Not only am I forced into helping Kiba, but now I'm defending him. Damn pain in the ass Hyuga making me act moronic. Have to be difficult, don't you?_

"How crude."

"Look all I'm saying is that dog-breath likes Hinata for more than her looks. He wouldn't have started this crap if he just wanted a lay." A moment of tension passed.

"Why'd they choose you?" Neji smirked at Shikamaru's grimace. _Oo a sore subject._

"I'm the only one smart enough for you to tolerate. I also might be gay. Their logic, not mine."

"Might be gay? You're joking?"

"Unless you plan on seducing me, can we focus on the overall picture?" Shikamaru was really sick of talking about his sexuality. _Everyone but me is worried about who I want to sleep with._

Neji growled, and nodded. He was more than happy to move on. Sex was not a subject he felt comfortable talking to close friends about, let alone a person he just met; however, he couldn't stop his subconscious from performing a discrete once over of Shikamaru. _He is actually pretty handsome, even with an indifferent expression. Not as tall as Naruto described. He's only about two inches taller._

"So the general idea is I have to date you in order to give Kiba a fighting chance at Hinata. Oh, and your evil glares won't get you anywhere anymore, so spare me. Every student in this school is going to swarm you tomorrow."

"And for some reason you think I'm incapable of taking care of myself."

"Exactly the opposite. I know you can take care of yourself, but you need help this time. Same as me. You'll be pestered until both you and Hinata are taken, and there is no way I can hold out against those mad women."

"Pathetic."

"Yeah, yeah. You try fighting them and let me know what happens. Anyway, I know Hinata likes someone, but I can't determine who. She blushes and stammers with everyone."

"She won't tell me."

"Probably scared you're going to murder the guy in his sleep," Shikamaru smirked. _I'm worried about castration just speaking to you. _"Our first move then would be to find the guy. We can't make any real progress until we know all the players."

"Don't play me for a fool. You want to use me for information gathering, and once you eliminate Inuzuka, you report to your friends and are off the hook. How does that help me," questioned Neji, ignoring the jibe.

"If only. It's not that simple. Kiba got time to 'woo his love', so according to my orders, I have to occupy you for four months. Your benefit, if you agree, is me permanently keeping people away from you, regardless of Hinata's status at the end of our partnership."

"Bold statement. I don't suppose you'd tell me how you're going to carry out that feat."

"Call it insurance. Can't hand you my queen and leaving myself high and dry. A hint though: the student body's attention is easily diverted."

"Could you be a little vaguer next time? Here's a hint in return: My uncle's isn't a high school student. He'll demand proof. I can't exactly bring you home to introduce you, and I prefer not to lie."

Shikamaru took a moment to mull this all over before responding. "As long as Hinata never finds out about you dating while we find her crush, everything should be fine. If the guy isn't Kiba, and I highly doubt he is, then she never dates, and your uncle is none the wiser."

"We would still have to tell your friends for you to benefit. I don't particularly want anyone thinking I can be bought off."

"Yeah I know. Since you don't want any suspicions raised, we would make sure they saw us together a few times over a couple of weeks before breaking the big news. The girls will think its _soooo_ adorable that I won you over. The challenge will be keeping Ino's mouth shut. It's over once she blabs. Hinata will be open game. On the upside, if she stays quiet, everyone in participating will be on the lookout for anyone bothering Hinata, unless it's Kiba, and chase them off. He has a clear shot, and no one but dog breath has a prayer, including her crush. In the end, Hinata remains single, and you and I regain our peace."

"You certainly think things through, but what if Hinata wants Kiba? I don't want her hopes up when I tell her he returns her feelings, and then have to tear them down because I can't bring a date home."

"In the off chance Kiba's the one, Temari or Ino will have to fill in for me when meet the parent day comes. I'm positive we can get your uncle to change his rule. In the meantime, you will technically be in a relationship. Maybe not the type he thinks, but still a relationship."

"Except for Hinata, Naruto, and you, I'm not out if the closet. I want to keep it that way."

"Why do you people have to come back to the sexuality all the time? I already told you I have no intention of actually becoming involved with you. There will be no PDA, so, if it comes down to Hinata actually dating Kiba, nobody needs to know who you're with. She'll already be taken."

"People seem to think you're gay. It doesn't take that much to put two and two together."

"No, Temari thinks I'm gay because I don't follow obnoxiously loud girls around. To anyone else, I'm just too lazy to start things."

Neji weighed his options. It was a good plan, but not great. Too much was left open for chance; many of the main points depended on other people. When emotions are involved, it is impossible to lead a person in anyone direction. _I don't want to fool anyone, especially Hinata, even though she brought this on. On the other hand, for him to come up with a plan anywhere near this good in a day is very persuasive. With more time he could solidify things. Damn it!_

Shikamaru sensed the other's hesitancy. He definitely knew the whole thing was a gamble, but unfortunately, under the circumstances, this was the best he could come up with; nothing would be full proof. It all came down to whether Neji wanted to take the risk, and step outside his comfort zone.

Slowly Neji looked at the Shikamaru.

Their eyes connected

Finally the older spoke. "I appreciate the effort and thought, but I'm afraid I must decline."

**Hope no one was disappointed! This was a very, very, very hard chapter to write. I wanted to keep Neji in character by not having him jump at something he is against. Hopefully I managed to give a pretty clear picture of Shikamaru's reasoning too; it was difficult to put everything together and make a plan Neji might be comfortable taking a chance on. Also, from now on I can't give any good time limits for further chapters. School is starting and I have one hell of a schedule! Let me know what you thought.**


	7. Chapter 7 preview

**PLEASE READ!**

**AN: I'm sorry everyone that I haven't updated in forever. So many things have been happenning and I've had some serious writer's block. ANYWAY I read over the chapters I already published and have decided to rework them somewhat, nothing major. The storyline will remain the same, but I am not happy with the depiction of Neji at certain points. I'll try and get everything up ASAP, but I make no promises.**

**Until then please enjoy this ROUGH DRAFT of the first half of chapter 7. Sorry if there are spelling and grammatical errors, but I thought I'd give those still aiting on this story a preview.**

"Get in here Hyuga!" Principle Tsunade Senju's morning was souring more and more by the minute. Second period just finished and she'd already seen four students. Now one of her brightest seniors was outside her office for fighting. She grumbled as the young man walked past her to sit in a chair opposite her cluttered desk. "What the hell is wrong with you? I expect Naruto and Uchiha daily, but not you."

"I'm sorry Mama. There was a misunderstanding about a personal matter. It won't happen again."

"Is that so? I heard you've been in a number of skirmishes over the past few days." Neji's surprise had the woman rolling her eyes. She was the principle for crying out loud! Everything in the entire building was her concern. "You might not have been reported, but make no mistake, I know everything."

"I see. I'll be more careful in the future."

"Good, because I don't want to have to suspend you, and I know your Uncle would agree."

"Thank you for the second chance."

"Whatever. It's not like I need more paperwork. Just hurry up and work out the shit concerning your cousin. I'm tired of dealing with it."

"Excuse me?"

Hands crashed into her desk as Tsunade shot up, her generous chest bouncing angrily. "Brat stop wasting my time. I already told you nothing gets past me. Even my staff are buzzing about your Uncle's brilliant idea. I've already seen three boys and one girl for fighting and disrupting class because of it. Take care of it before I'm forced to intercede. Neither of us wants that, I assure you!"

"Understood Ms. Senju." A knock on the door closed the subject.

Shizune, assistant principal, entered. "Sorry to interrupt, but you have two more students waiting." Neji noticed a strange evasiveness in the younger woman. Tsunade was obviously in a bad mood, but the behavior seemed extreme. Obviously the blond thought so too.

"Who is it Shizune?"

"We-well, you see…"

"Spit it out."

"Sasuke and Naruto."

"Leave Hyuga, and do what I said." Neji nodded. _I don't want to be here in a few seconds._ He passed Naruto and Sasuke on the way out, not feeling the slightest bit of sympathy. _So stubborn._ Sasuke nursed a split lip and Naruto sported a nasty cut on his cheek. The blond boy half acknowledged his presence, keeping the other half of his attention on a glaring Uchiha.

"BRATS GET IN HERE! I DON'T HAVE ALL DAY!" Both cringed. Naruto motioned in a gentlemanly manner for Sasuke to enter first.

"No fucking way moron. This is all your fault anyway," hissed the raven.

"What! Is not asshole!" Bickering ceased when Tsunade hoisted the teens a couple of inches off the ground by the backs of their shirts.

"I SAID GET IN HERE," she screamed, effortlessly carrying them in to her lair. Even after the door slammed shut, yells could be heard.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU CRAZY GRANDMA!"

"WHAT'D YOU CALL ME!"

"I SAID LET ME GO YOU H- OWW! YOU CAN'T HIT STUDENTS!"

"GO AHEAD AND TELL BRAT! YOUR MOTHER WILL THANK ME!"

Shizune laughed nervously, while Neji stared, wide eyed, at the door. _I always thought some of his bruises more severe than what Sasuke could inflict._

"She's just in a really bad mood," explained Shizune, trying to play it off as a rare occurrence.

"I see. Can I have a late pass please." _I could care less if she beats the crap out of both of them. They deserve it. I know for a fact too that Kushina doesn't care either._ Kushina Uzamaki loved Tsunade- basically worship the ground the older woman walked on- and would consider it the highlight of her day if the busty woman beat her son to a pulp. Especially if it had anything to do with Sasuke; she was as sick as everybody else of hearing about the ongoing fights.

After thanking the black haired woman, he made his way to class. In all honesty he wasn't sure if he would rather be in class or in Tsunade's office. As Shikamaru had predicted, the past week had been utter hell. Girls and guys bombarded him from every angle. He'd received fake love notes, bribes, and even an occasional threat. His methods all failed: when he screamed, people sent him harassing letters; when he shoved, people called his phone. He wasn't sure he couldn't cope with the harassment much longer.

_Even girls are participating. I don't know what to do anymore! I can't concentrate on anything! And how did they get my phone number!_

Responsibility kept Neji moving through the day. People continued to stalk him. By the time sixth period rolled around, the older Hyuga was worn out. He wasn't paying any attention to Jiraiya's lesson, and Naruto kept throwing him concerned looks. _Two more classes and I'm done._

"Hyuga stay." Neji looked around confused. _I didn't even here the bell._ Students were packing up, but obviously lingering. _They're waiting for me._ "What are the rest of you doing? Get the hell outta my classroom!"

Once the two were the only ones left, Neji turned to the large man. "I'm sor-"

"Save it kid. You're helping me straighten the room. Tsunade's been giving me crap for a week."

"I still have seventh period."

"Not today. Naruto I expect to stare obliviously, but you look like you might as well have been hit by a bus. So here's an opportunity to unload."

"Thank you for the concern, but I'm fine."

"Bullshit." Neji glared at his teacher. Jiraiya sighed. "Alright I can't make you talk, but you're still staying. Why go to class if you're just gonna zone out? Just hide out here, screw your head on straight, and make yourself useful by fixing up those shelves."

The teen struggled for moment. Jiraiya rolled his eyes and handed him a stack of books, pointing to a shelf.

"Alphabetically is best." Neji nodded his consent. They worked in companionable silence for a bit.

...End Preview


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